Emmalee’s Birth Story
this took place in Austin, TX during the first week of the pandemic lock down
March 2020
at 3am
I was reclining into bed when suddenly I felt a gush of water escape me. before I knew it, I was sitting in a puddle. shocked, I asked my husband who was fast asleep “WHY is there water all over the bed?!” he jumped out of bed, gave me a towel, and re-made our bed with sheets he had prepared for this very moment. we both knew what was happening. I sat on the floor with the towel underneath me and googled “how do you know if your water broke” just to confirm. I dried off and D helped me get back into bed, dimmed the lights, and told me to get some rest - I would need to save my energy for what was soon to come, but I couldn’t sleep. there was so much to do… of all the “what to do in labor” things I read, I remembered 3:
track your contractions (D was on it)
REST (please do this, mum-to-be’s!)
do something easy that’ll pass the time (i.e. bake a cake from a box)
I wanted to make granola.
D stopped trying to persuade me to sleep and helped me get downstairs to the kitchen. as I made granola, contractions came and went. they got stronger and closer together. at one point, I was getting only 1 minute of freedom from pain between contractions. needless to say, D has to rescue the granola when the oven timer went off.
at 6:10am
I entered what they call “active labor” phase.. leaning on D, I looked at the oven clock and closed my eyes. every contraction was worse than the last and whatever coping mechanism I used for the last one was useless by the time the next one hit. I told myself to be strong because this was just the beginning.
D called April, my midwife, and she told us she’d get ready and head over soon. I buried my face into D’s shoulder barely able to stand and shoved a fistful of granola into my mouth. I would need the fuel. D helped me up the stairs and got me into bed. eyes closed, I heard him saying “breathe into the pain.” I told myself, “I can do anything—ANYTHING… for 10 seconds. 1, 2, 3,…” I felt sick. D grabbed a big bowl we’d reserved as the throw-up bowl and out came a very acidic chewed up version of my granola.
I laid on my side feeling cold and haphazardly wrapped myself in a blanket. I'd barely fall asleep only to be woken up by the next intense contraction. someone handed me a warm heat pack to soothe my cramps and I dozed off again. when the next wave started, I kicked away the blankets, tossed/turned, and moaned.
I heard a soothing voice. my midwife had arrived. I thought she would teach me a trick or pull something magical out of her bag to lessen the pain. there was no such thing.. there were no painkillers. all I had were essential oils, D by my side and a straw that he held to my lips to hydrate me with cold coconut water... but ultimately when I closed my eyes I felt like I was going through a long winding confusing labyrinth by myself. I got up and went into "the cave" a.k.a. the dark bathroom and sat there in the cool.. alone. it felt like a fitting spot for what I was going through. after what felt like a few minutes (apparently I was in there for an hour) I hobbled back to bed.
I asked if I could get in the tub. April said I was not ready yet so I closed my eyes and felt my body begin to push. shocked, April asked me if that was a push. I told her "YES! it felt good and... natural!" she and D immediately got the tub ready.
D turned to me and asked me if I wanted music. "Housefires, please" I whispered.
at 9:35am
I labored in the tub. it was easier to fall asleep between contractions in the warm water but it did not take away the pain. April placed cold towels on me and asked me not to push until my cervix was more open. mid-contraction, I yelled, "WHAT'S A CERVIX!" - she gave me a great response but I don't remember what it was. I gripped D's arm and told him, "tell me I can do this."
"You can do this, babe." he said into my ear. when April gave me the green light, I pushed my hardest forgetting to breathe. D said I balled up and turned blue... like a blueberry. I remember pushing harddd. I did not want to go to the hospital. I wanted my daughter to come out already... April monitored Emmalee's heart rate. "It's so steady. she's doing great. you're doing great."
I was in a LOT of pain and cried out to Jesus. I didn't get a response, but I did get an image... I got to see my nephew. his playful smile... and then another wave hit. "Jesus... help me..." I whimpered. I counted to 10 but the contraction was still going strong AF. I counted another 10, held my breath, tossed and turned in the water and begged God to take away the pain.
I surrendered.
as I sunk into the water, I felt D's arms catch me and prevent me from being submerged.
a bit past 10am
I wasn't making progress in the water. my midwife supported my arms and helped me out of the tub and led me back to the room. she told me I was going to sit in some sort of chair and push. the wooden chair looked like a rustic squatty potty. D was my back support. I clung to the rim of the chair and pushed HARD. I moaned and asked when she would come. would she EVER come?! April smiled. she looked at me and said, "would you like to feel her head?" I was shocked - I didn't know I was so close to the finish line. I felt and saw the top of her cute tiny head. it felt weird! she was here... kinda! I pushed hard 2 more times and she came barreling out. April caught her as Daniel continued to keep me upright.
"10:51am" said the midwife.
only then did I realize music was playing - The Wick - the lyrics "my heart is the wick, your love is the flame, and I want to burn for your name" was sung over us as little Emmalee was handed to me. she had the sweetest little cry... she was telling me how hard the journey was for her... I was still in shock and everything was incredibly crystal clear as I held her tiny warm vernix covered body close to my chest. she looked up at me, gripped my arm hard, and latched immediately. she is so strong. we are so strong because our strength comes from the Lord.
I wanted to have a home birth, I knew my body could do it. I didn't expect to birth my daughter week 1 of the pandemic lockdown, but we did it. I got to birth Emmalee without fear and I'd choose this same home birth path again if I got to rewind time. Birthing without fear - it's a thing I hope every mom gets to experience.
